Don't let your heart be troubled
4.9cm thoracic (root) fusiform aortic aneurysm with bicuspid valve, only .1 cm from class 1 indication for surgery, and that's up .18 cm from what it was 6 months ago (at which time we thought the value had the normal 3 leaflets instead of just 2). My wife says I should let God "circumcise my heart", but my cardio thinks a heart surgeon should do it. Literally. I.e., replace the aorta with a Dacron graft and the valve with a titanium doohickey.
Reasons to do it:
The risks might be less than the likelihood of kicking the bucket at some random time in the next few years from rupture. For my 11.5 year-old son's sake, I would rather not leave him fatherless just yet.
Reasons not to do it:
I don't think western medicine has a clue about holistic healing or systemic relationships. The fact that open heart surgery results in severe depression just goes to show that they really don't understand what they're messing with.
Some other non-western (alternative) system might claim to have a better way, whether proven or not, true or false, and I'm curious for perspective here. Since this is something that goes unnoticed until it kills you, it is doubtful. But I wonder also about people who are "healers" who might be occasionally effective, regardless of their world view, but claims float about like dust and pollen with no way to discern the good from the bad. Testimonials for placebos can be quite convincing, as well. I believe disciples of Christ are given divine authority to heal by faith, but I can only claim this with respect to spreading the gospel and advancing the kingdom, not for myself (as an already-believer).
While there are plenty of things I would love to do, I can't ever seem to find a way to get them done, despite being alive for many years now. So staying alive longer might not help with that.
I supposedly have dysthymia as well, the negativity of which causes problems for my family; and lately the losses of hope have been downright depressing. Sometimes I think it might be better to die than to go on, though I wouldn't presume to make that happen myself. I'm not being suicidal here, I'm just saying...
I've still not figured out my specific, personal purpose -- the divine intent for my unique giftings and drives. I've often wondered if God purposely keeps mum about it because I'll die young and none of it will matter. But now I'm not even young anymore. About the only purpose I accomplish is to make a bit of money and give it away to worthy causes; but never enough to make a lasting difference.
Medical costs are so insane that I almost just want to say "forget it". Even a simple echo-cardiogram costs $1700. Why? Heart surgery like this must cost about as much as a house. How do you enter that into the computation to weigh things out? At what point do you say "I'm not going to play this insane game!"? I don't want to be a slave to medical opinion/advise, but I also don't want to be negligent.
Next Steps:
So I'm still in info-gathering and persuasion mode, trusting God to close/open doors of consideration toward a final decision. I'll meet with one heart surgeon tomorrow. I should probably talk to another also. If God really does work all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, then theoretically I should be glad about every such challenge that comes my way. It's all good, right? But a sure Word about what He's up to would help. :-) For example, If I was already going to die of, say, cancer, within another two or three years, then it would seem quite a waste of money, time, and energy to deal with heart surgery. Would Hezekiah have been better off if he had not been granted those extra years? Doctors help, but their perspective tends to be influenced by the western medical mindset rather than informed by the Spirit of God.
As usual, it all boils down to the need to hear from God and believe Him. Even if I hear nothing, He is trustworthy, but I don't know exactly what trusting Him will look like in this particular instance. As it might be one of my last, I should be sure to get it right.
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